10 Ridiculous Music Predictions For 2012

Good evening, I'm pleased to report that the festive bollocks has finally ceased, and despite the commotion of the sales the British public seem to be returning to their normal lives. Well at least until New Year's Eve anyway.

Unfortunately after resting for a couple of days, my brain has become a bit of a creativity wasteland. However I did manage to write this short piece whilst attempting to get the creative juices flowing again.

So what can we expect from 2012?

As you probably know apparent to some nutters' beliefs the world will end next year. So if we had one year left to enjoy music what would the industry create? Brilliance, or complete and utter chaos?

Here are some pretty ludicrous music predictions which could just happen before hell freezes over.

1. Jools Holland's neck to finally reappear.

2. Shaun Ryder to reluctantly collaborate with Ann Widdecombe for a charity release of Total Eclipse of the Heart, as the result of losing a bet to his manager.

3. Bono and Geldof to set up their own money lending site, with profits going towards putting on another fucking Live Aid concert.







4. Mark E Smith to write a best-selling children's novel.











5. George Michael to declare himself bankrupt and request to retrain as a driving instructor.






6. New X-Factor judge line-up to consist of Michael Bolton, Brian Harvey, Tina Turner and Kate Nash.







7. Shane MacGowan to win Strictly Come Dancing.








8. Alex James to produce a cheese so potent it initiates a mutant rat infestation, forcing the entire South East to be cordoned off for 3 weeks whilst being fumigated.





9. Michael Stipe, Chris Martin, and Phil Collins to form the world's smuggest (and most useless) super group.



10. Bruno Mars to win NME's Godlike Genius award. (That one being slightly more plausible judging NME's coverage of music these days.)

There you have it. If any of this were to actually happen I shall certainly be ready to embrace the 2012 apocalypse, judging from this I think the earth could do with a clean slate.